“We got one last good, weird blast of b-horror in theaters with Night of the Demons 2, which hit Houston after Leprechaun 2 hit the nation. That’s a great poster. Such a great one it was seared into my memory to the point where a lot of my research stemmed from trying to find this ad again. This exact ad, which you see [below]. I should note that the film played on 10 less screens than its predecessor and on only one screen on the edge of town. But I have an image of a fan of the first film seeing this ad and driving to the edge of town and seeing it. It sounds like a pretty fun film based on the writeups. That guy? I hope he drove home happy.”

Imagined rant from 1994:

“Larry! Sorry I couldn’t join you for a night of line dancing and Zimas at the monthly Compaq Computer designers meetup. Remember that newspaper ad I was losing my shit over? Yeah I know I said I wasn’t sure if I should watch it but I thought it ovyr.

So just for just for the hell of it, I drove to the coast to see this movie. Went to the Bay Area theater. Man it is run down. Not a good sign this was the best theater it got. But I couldn’t resist the allure. The first film is so much fun. Wore out that tape.

Anyway how was it? You’ll think I’m crazy but it was the wildest damn time I’ve had at a theater all year. This thing is the kind of crazy horror movie I’ve missed so hard! Like a batshit insane film filled with some of the weirdest things I’ve seen in so long.

OK, so the plot? There’s a bunch of kids at a reform school. They go to the house from the first one where that Angela chick is still there. She alternates between hot and gross in this btw. One of the girls is her sister Mouse and Angela wants to sacrifice her to, um, get powerful? Look it doesn’t matter. Anyway there’s some blood and you think they’re going to escape but one of the girls takes a lipstick that turns into a snake back to the school and bam! Angela takes over the school and a bunch of people die.

Yes I’m sure I should be discussing this in public. Yes I’m sober.

So anyway, this isn’t a movie about the plot. It’s about that good exploitation shit. You know, the 2 Bs. Boobs & blood.

Larry, let me talk god dammit. I’m seriously sober and I attended that seminar!

OK, so the first B? Only one of the main actresses shows skin and it’s nice but kinda useless since all the women in this but the sister and some blonde actress who randomly gets called Marcia Brady in a joke I’m sure won’t be incredibly head scratching and feel like a reference to later viewers say as soon as next year due to casting*, look exactly alike. Also there’s a lot of extras walking around all naked like absolutely no woman on earth would actually do but hey, R-rating. Still it’s something I expect from horror and don’t expect that to change!

OK I’ll shut up! It’s not like it’s not 1994 and the culture seriously needs to grow up or anything. I mean imagine if we were making jokes at the expense of an abused woman who had every right to fight back!

Nah it’s the blood that’s the thing to see. There is so much gore here. Beheadings. Impalings. All kinds of stuff getting torn off. A baseball bat with nails in it in a head. It’s a blood feast!

And there’s a ton of monster effects! So many. Angela still looks all gross and weird. At one point at the end she’s a giant snake thing and even though I’m sure this was a cheap film, it’s like a great effect. It’s honestly really good and makes for a great climax. Most of the possessed effects are really good though some are just teeth and contacts. Still, not bad.

And look, the dialogue here? It’s junk. The acting? It’s crap. Though that Angela woman has the kind of crazy eyes that suggest she’ll go on to become a psychic or something after acting.** There’s so little about acting or writing to say anything nice about.

But damn did this kick ass and I know why. The director dude. Brian Trenchard-Smith. He’s the guy that did that BMX movie with Tom Cruise’s wife and the concentration camp drive in movie. He makes the kind of movies to chug beer to. He keeps this thing moving at a mile a second. It looks great with weird atmosphere and is so packed!

I mean this is a movie with a kung fu nun and a guy playing basketball with his own head. A dude’s hand melts off when he gropes a chick and her chest gropes back. This is a dumb guy movie and I was a dumb guy!

Oh bite me, I am not! Anyway I had a great time at what I’m sure was the only good horror themed flick this weekend! That Crow movie looks dumb!”

And I trust he enjoyed the film. To drop character and fire off my clearest thoughts: Yes, this is a very silly exploitation film but what a blast. It’s so happy to be a rollicking scuzzy film. And no, it’s not a lost classic but it is a party movie of the first magnitude. If you dig this kind of thing, worth it.

*When that joke was made, I had to pause it just to process it.

**Did I force this detail into the review because it’s amazing? Yes.