Review: Guardians (2017)

Two requests in 24 hours! This one for my good bud Paul Andolina!

This is a different film so I’m gonna hit this one differently. This was Russia’s attempt at the comic book film and a notorious debacle over there. The film did so bad the director had to admit he made a bad film on TV. I don’t like arguing with directors but I’m gonna here. Because no, dude, you did not.

Bullet points!

  • The film follows a classic formula. A group of people were experimented on as soldiers during the cold war. They’re now immortal. Khan is super fast and gifted with blades. Ler has control over rocks. Xenia can turn herself invisible and can handle any temperature. Ursus turns into a either a man bear or a full on bear. There’s a good scientist and a bad scientist and a military liaison. The bad guy has a superweapon that must be destroyed. We all know this formula.
  • This is not a film about plot. It’s about spectacle and that is, forgive me, spectacular. This is a movie to watch on the Tubi app on your Roku and blast it. This movie looks stunningly pretty. Set design is great. Effects are barely a step below their Western counterparts at worst and at best rival them. Action is great. Really great.
  • Though I said this wasn’t anything out of the formula, it still has things that make it memorable. The characters pop in their quick running time. Everyone is distinct and that’s cool. There’s a nice monologue per character.
  • The film is fast. Not even 85 minutes before credits and that includes a long opening credits. Hey, it’s nice to get in and get out without padding.
  • OK, the heroes do get captured before they can be awesome. I wish there’d been one victory. Just to get you hyped.
  • I can’t judge acting fairly in another language–I watched this subtitled–but I thought everyone was strong. I got the emotion. Face acting was good.
  • I’m sorry but seriously, this was named the worst film of all time by Ria Novosti? Really? There was some weird bitterness towards a film trying to play on an American level here. This film did so horribly in Russia it was treated as a big shame.
  • But it’s not. This is a kickass film you can watch for free on Tubi. If you’re mad there’s no Marvel til November, this is a great fix. I dug it.

You can find this on Tubi or weirdly Walmart. Look for it.

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